Following Bill the Pill

I’ve been doing the pharmacy delivery driver for over a year now. I’m getting to know the auld yins and they’re getting to know me. It’s a hard act following in the footsteps of “Bill the Pill” as they call him but just the other day an auld dear in Dunblane said she recognised my knock. I never knew I had a knock! Small things, eh.

I was working at home for about 5 years, its mindnumbing looking at drawings and measuring drains. 5 years doon the drain mair like.Wish I realised sooner. So the pharmacy job was crazy : meeting and greeting maybe 80 different folks each day. It was a blur. This guy needs to sign for his CDs (controlled drugs), never leave meds in the van overnight, dont post his blister pack or his dug will eat them, never gie meds to a friendly neighbour (could be a stalker), at number 5 just chap the window and go right in, you have to put her meds in that security box as shes got Dementia.

Dementia with a capital D. Maybe one day I’ll tackle that subject … you’ll need your hankies tho. So, back in the van and I’m panicking- hunners of packages to deliver, a mountain piled up in the passenger seat – where the hells Bishops Gardens ffs – 52 years in Dunblane and I dont fuckin know !! Frantically text Hutchy the post he keeps me right.St Blanes Road is behind the polis station btw.

First day on my own I had my lunch at 3.30pm in Braco, sweat lashing off me. Can of Barr Bru and bag of crisps from the wee shop. I’m better now, take your time , do this side of Dunblane first then over to Newton. Get the sheltered houses done before 11am or the service button no work.

The people make it worthwhile. “Just you go into the kitchen son..the first drawer and theres some tablet for you”..”here, take some treacle toffees”… “there ye go son, some chocolates”. I should be the size ae a hoose! So if I go into the high street pharmacy at 4.30pm and theres a pile of packages including one up Sherrifmuir I dont hesitate. Theres no better feeling than an auld dear saying “ooh that was quick I only put that in yesterday” or maybe “thanks son, I’ll be able to sleep tonight”. So, my Christmas present was a head torch.

I know Dunblane well now and most of the characters. I wave to John the lollipop man, Eric the taxi, the lads in John Hills, Rosemary in her new shop , the postmen/women and of course Bill the Pill. Bet he could tell me some stories. Oh and avoid the school at lunchtime when the pupils pour out the doors and flow down the Old Doune Road to Tesco.

A final tale ( and a strong language warning – shocking eh) : theres an old boy in Suni Duni.. tiny but what a character, swears like a trooper. He told me a shocking tale of how he woke up and thought rigor mortis had set in, thought he was deid. Managed to get to the docs who gave him tablets. Next day hes fit as a fiddle (he does a wee jig on the doorstep to demonstrate this). Am laughing now and he leans over and I know I’m going to receive a pearl of wisdom. “And you know what son” he says ” I dont give a monkeys fuckin’ dick what pills they gie me….as long as they work!”.

I’m not quite sure the moral of these inane ramblings but hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing !

PS I never even mentioned the Russian hat!

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