Ne’erday

Back in the 80’s as a teenager, Ne’erday meant several things. Firstly, it meant a hangover (I’ve never touched Bicardi since…in fact, what happened to Bicardi?). Secondly it meant find a bar in Dunblane : this involved gatecrashing either the golf club or hydro. Thirdly, it meant the Old Firm fixture.

On 1 January 1987, I was asked with drive my mates Ford Sierra to Ibrox. Not sure why this happened because it was myself who had got us the tickets from Chris Woods, the Gers keeper who stayed in the Glen Road at the time. Chris had come along for a photo op when our pub team, Westlands Hotel, had got new all blue strips. That marked us out for special treatment that season , esp when we played Broons Bar haha.

Anyway, we thanked Chris with a half bottle of grouse. I’m sure, as Rangers new £600,000 signing, he appreciated that. So off to Ibrox we went in the pouring rain. Rangers had not conceded a goal in 8 games and we were confident, all the betting was 2-0, 3-0 or 4-0 Gers. Sure enough, it was a party afternoon with Rangers winning 2-0, my main memory being McCoist scoring from 6 yards out after Celtics keeper dropped a cross. Typical vulture.

I remember driving home on the motorway, tooting the horn, cars passing fags and cans of lager to each other through the windows. Lads all singing party songs, half bottle in the back. Finally, the golf club, dump the car, finally get a drink myself. My passengers were all mongoled by then.

The next year, 1988 was not so good. Lost 2-0 at the old Celtic Park. What a dump it was. Celtic fans threw bananas at Rangers new black signing, Mark Walters. The game had to be stopped to clear the pitch. The Rangers fans sang, through some perverse loyalty to their new player, “I’d rather be a darkie than a tim”. I mean ffs – “I’d rather be a darkie than a Tim!” It was perhaps the darkest day in Scottish football but the SFA did fuck all and the press gave it little coverage. Things have moved on since then thankfully.

That day we ended up at Dunblane Hydro, fuck knows how they let us in. We tried to blend in by having a peanut throwing fight and the final straw was when Scotty arrived, sporting two black eyes from an altercation on Hogmanay. The famous words “Gentlemen, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave” and we were oot on our arse.

So today, for old times sake, I reckon we should head up to Dunblane Hydro.. but maybe no peanuts haha.

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